Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Holding in Each Hand

Tonight as I rocked baby girl to sleep I was recalling my God gifted brilliance that occurred 10 minutes prior. Harvey, my middle, was losing his mind over reading "The Lorax." Which is always Rowan's choice to read but not often indulged in because it's a loooong book. Rowan deserved to read the one he wanted and yet I couldn't grant that request with a full fledged five year old meltdown in the same room. I tried a couple of distraction techniques with Harvey and offered to read his book of choice next, none of which worked.

So in a rare moment of motherly genius I began to whisper the story to Rowan. He was sitting in my lap and he thought it was hilarious. I cautioned him away from taunting his not so awfully melting down brother and he snuggled in. The great benefit of whispering with a long book is you can skip a LOT of words. They can't hear you that well.
Eventually Harvey realized this was sort of a game and joined in the by saying "I can hear you" and "You're reading the book" To which I brilliantly replied: "You can't read, how do you know?" and "I'm not reading, I'm whispering!"

It turned out wonderfully!!! I felt so blessed. I am not supermom and this could have just as easily ended in lots of tears and consequences and ever increasing meltdowns. But, Yay God! He granted me with a stroke of genius that very well saved my evening.

Boys in bed, two down, one to go.

Eowyn and I go to her room, curl up in the rocker with no less than one Mickey, one Minnie, and one miniature doll. It's not that big of a rocker and she's holding all of these and nursing at the same time. Girl's got talent.

In the perfect dark of her room deep thoughts often come and as we rock and nurse and rest something just hits me. We're not the "Stoltzfive" anymore. It's a "family" nickname Jonathan and I had thought of before we even had any children. And after Eowyn entered our family there was a little celebration of us now being the "Stoltzfive" there were now five of us.

For some reason this strikes me as something to be grieved and I try to feel it but I'm just so sad. We will never again be the Stoltzfive, if I one day ever remarry or we adopt kids or anything happens to increase the size of our family the name won't fit. We all got the name from their daddy and their daddy is gone. And as sad as I am about it I know that he's not coming back for us. Because even if he would, I wouldn't let him in the door.

There are three kinds of people in the world: the wise, the fools and the evil doers. (Henry Cloud) And the last type require three things of you: lawyers, guns, and money. Hire the lawyer, call the cops, and pay the money because you don't want them in your life. They are bent on destruction. If you don't believe these people are in the world you have not lived long enough.

"Reject a divisive person after a second warning" Henry Cloud   Lord knows, I gave him a lot more than two warnings.

"Take the leadership challenge to not let someone’s character problem stop the mission God has called you to from moving forward." Henry Cloud

And the challenge God has called me to is my children. He has an amazing plan for them and me. And Satan better watch out the next time he gets in the way of that plan because 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'  I will not let this destruction reign in my household any longer.

Thank you God for rescuing us, setting us on the right path, and bringing the Truth to light.

As I grieve the loss of one thing tonight I will hold it in one hand and in the other I will hold the gratefulness of God's incessant rescuing of us.

I love you, Jesus. Thank you for loving me.

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