Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Provision with love and money

So I'm strapped, financially.  Not quite beyond strapped yet.  But strapped.  Counting pennies and dollars from selling stuff on craigslist.  Perhaps I should be more specific, I'm not selling sex on craigslist, just stuff, like camping gear and furniture.  I hear people do that, sell sex, that is, and not just on craigslist; I'm not one of them. I generally think there's plenty of sex you could get out there for free if you really wanted, besides there's lots of free sex in Vegas.  Whoops, it's not free there either.  Insert hysterical laughter about how witty I am here, if you're not laughing you might want to skip this post.  


Today, three times today, God has proven to me that He is intimately acquainted with my situation.  He sent provision from three different sources, none of which I was expecting.  He loves me so much.  He loves my children so much and He is going to take care of us. He doesn't always directly respond in obvious ways to my very specific needs but today He did and I'm overwhelmed with gratitude.  


It totally surprised me that He could shock me with provision without me knowing it.  As if somehow I'm more all knowing than Him.  As if because I'm a detail person I could foreseeably know every single way for provision to come to my family.  Today it was really great to be reminded how small I am.  How big God is and how limited my creativity is versus His.  The cattle on those 1000 hills are more numerous than I can imagine.  


Perhaps tomorrow the provision will not be as direct, it could be a hug from a friend.  Sunshine, unexplained happiness or well behaving children, however it comes I will be grateful for it.  I will not stop counting my blessings, though they are innumerable.  But I will still number.  May my faith and yours be granted the sight necessary to see the visible touch of God in your life.  He is there friend.  If you can believe He is present my life, and you are here because you know my story, then certainly you can believe He's present in yours.  I am not a victim of my circumstances, you are not one in yours either.  You have not made yourself unacceptable to Him, because you cannot.  His love is boundless.  And He loves you.  You can not shame yourself out of His favor and He is not the one shaming you.   That is not how He operates.  


Grace, Gratefulness and Gifts to you.  


-S



2 comments:

  1. Hello Shannon-

    I don't know you, but through a long series of circumstances I'm a "friend" of Nicole Pauling on Facebook despite the fact that I don't actually know her. Anyway, I saw your blog and was intrigued. My wife and I life in the York area and have four kids ages 11, 9, 6, and 3. If there's anything that we can do to be a part of this journey with you, please let us know. As I read of your heartbreak and joy through your pain, I was praying along with you.

    The best bet if you desired to contact us would be via our church's website, which is www.yorkalliance.org. You can find contact info for me on there, and I can forward your information to my wife.

    Jesus meets us in the brokenness often more than when our lives have the outward evidences of joy. It seems that you are learning this firsthand. Thank you for being a living testimony to His love for you.

    May the grace and peace of Jesus rest on you and your children,
    Brian Kannel

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    Replies
    1. Hi Brian,

      Thanks so much for reading my blog and for your kind words. I do need help but hesitate to ask people that I don't know for it. Although Nicole is awesome! So I'm sure you and your family are as well. The thing that is pressing on me right now is that I'm really overwhelmed with cleaning/house work and errands. I'm not sure anyone from York would be able to help with those things.

      Financially we are strapped but I have applied for assistance through my church, just haven't heard back yet. I may need help with attorney's fees in the future, but not sure if your church is willing to support a divorce. I am definitely getting a divorce.

      God's grace is abundant for me today, He is letting me rest in him.

      Shannon

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