A friend came over last night, I love her dearly and she helped me to have the obvious revelation that I am suffering from wait for it.... burn out.
I had an "a duh" moment. Those moments generally consistent of someone pointing out the obvious and me scratching my head wondering how I didn't realize this myself. Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to.
I have discovered that there is a relatively simple way to combat burn out. It is to list the gifts that I have on a daily basis. (and to actually get sleep every night) I've been counting my 1000 Gifts for over a year now and this morning, I got to 758. I've made it my goal to get to 1000 by the end of July. Surely I can come up with 200 and some odd things to be thankful for in a month?!
Some of the gifts of this week:
744 - hammock time with a book that makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts
750 - awesome new tats
751 - persevering with Rowan yesterday despite how much parenting well cost me personally
753 - the laundry staying under control
757 - tears, crying real tears and lots of them (this is a gift to me because I used to not be able to cry)
I can count by the way, these are just some of the gifts, not all of them. This morning I feel better. Well rested and glad that I can embrace the perspective that there are still many things to be thankful for in my life. This is one way that I practice God's presence. I know when I am in the space where I am thankful for the very best things in my life and even some mediocre things that I am more aware of the Spirit. It gives me the lenses with which I can view the world and see that God's hands are still all over my life. They are not rose colored glasses. Listing gifts does not somehow negate all the crap in my life and the fact that yesterday totally sucked for me. It is a whole other thing entirely - it gives me a more balanced perspective of how there can be really crappy parts of life, but that does not mean that the sum of my life is crap. If you add it all up life can still be good.
So I am thankful for today, for the fact that I got a whole night's sleep last night, and for the fact that there is a balance to viewing life. Life is both good and very very hard.