Wednesday, January 2, 2013


Hope you guys don't mind, but I'm going to be talking to Jesus here today and just let you listen in, OK?  Good...

Hey God,  How've you been?  I'm happy to say we've made it to 2013.   I experienced my very first New Year's Eve out celebrating as an adult.  It has been a year of a lot of firsts for me.  Some of them I have enjoyed.  Some of them not so much.   

But Jesus, I wanted to let you know that I am grateful.  I have seen your hand on our lives, guiding us to a healthier and happier path.  I know that the life of a Christian can be one of constant attack, but I have also embraced pursuing happiness.  Being happy is a really good thing.  I want to battle well when needed, stand firm as a person and a believer, but also to enjoy all the wonderful things you have given us in this life.  

Like children who fall asleep in the middle of the living room floor (notice the train in her hand?)

Uncle Nick zipping up "Kiwi's" jacket (his nickname for her)
Little boys who lose their two front teeth for Christmas

Zeke and Addi and Karen our weekly vistors and playmates.  My kids think Zeke and Addi are their cousins. ;-)

Very happy birthday boys. I now have a seven, six and two and a half year old, how did this happen?

And having the time to read six books to the kids in a row before bedtime.  A glass of really good moscato, the comfort of friends and family.  

Thank you that I got to experience my sister's beautiful wedding.  Thank you that all four of us were in it, even though that took some doing.  Thank you that my family is happy.  God, I can not tell you how much that means to me.  The simple joy of a happy family is more profound than I could have imagined.  

I'm thankful to have reconnected with my sister, to get to be a part of her life and get to know the people who are important to her.  I'm thankful for good counsel, a great therapist and friends who know I always have an open door for them.

Jesus, I want to let you know how grateful I am that I know who I have become.  I have learned so many things about myself over the last year.  I have learned that I am not the best house keeper but that my house hardly ever goes two days without having an extra loved one or two walk through the door and stay a while.  I really like that about me.  I have learned that I am capable of a lot more than I imagined.  I have learned that apparently I'm a bit of a smart ass.  (when multiple people start telling you this, it confirms it).  I have learned that I am louder than my very loud sister Brooke.  Hmmm, this one actually shocked me, I'm sure it didn't shock any of you.  I possess an inner strength I can only attribute to your presence in my life.  I have learned that I have plenty of emotions, I'm not stoic and I can cry.  I like this about me, too.  I have learned and confirmed over and over again that I am a good mom.  I can be there for them and be their safe place.  

Jesus, I'm not sure what 2013 holds for us.  I'm not sure what the next step is for me other than that I need to leave my house in 30 minutes.  I'm not sure if I'll ever remarry or how I'll make a living long term.  But I am sure of this:

You are present in my life.
My children are healthy, happy and safe.
I have what it takes.
And it's okay to enjoy life and embrace it.  

 Please help me honor you today.  Let it be so.

Thanks for listening in on my conversation.  Hope it blessed you too.  

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