Jesus, you and I are going to have to talk, I mean really??? 3:30 in the morning. I have to get up NOW to write? Ooookay, let's make sure this spirit that is waking me is of God,
"Is Jesus the Lord?" I ask, just to make sure I really do in fact need to leave my warm bed to write at 3:30 in the morning!!!!!
"Yes, now get your butt out of bed, make yourself some hot chocolate and go write." I started to argue with this spirit that I'm not eating sugar right now, but thought better of it and got up, made the hot chocolate and here I sit.
Before I even get to the couch and begin pounding the keys, I feel a push in my spirit that I am up for the day. I calculate how many hours of sleep I got (5.5) and think if I'm going to be able to make it through the day on this. Those thoughts are quickly replaced by the swarm of things flooding my head to write about. Clearly God knew what he was talking about.
These types of things are happening to me a lot lately. I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about them with you yet. Hearing from God is a sensitive personal thing. I am feeling my way through it. And I feel like God is teaching me to listen to him. Some times it is about trivial things like what I need to buy at the grocery store. But I know that if I honor is voice with the small things that he will give me more. And if there is ONE THING I want more of in this life it is to hear from God. To hear him direct my paths and thoughts and ways and actions, because frankly I don't know what the heck I'm doing. He created the universe. I'm pretty sure he has a better grasp on how I should live my life.
But that being said, let's be honest. Normal people don't get grocery lists from the Father. Normal people don't get out of bed at 3:30 in the morning to write (we all know writers are not normal). Normal people don't walk around life listening for that nudge in their spirit all the time. And that is what I'm doing. Listening for the nudge. And now I've added another step, testing the spirits.
After another grocery trip where I randomly (to me it was random) hear that I am supposed to buy something not on the list, I text my sage of a friend and tell her, 'Jesus and I are going to have to have a talk' She chuckled, encouraged me to obey but only after I have tested the spirits. I quickly responded with the slightly frantic "How do you do that? I need to know this!!!!" Because folks, let's be real, if you're hearing from God on a regular basis you want to make sure it is in fact the Lord. Thankfully her response was simple, ask the spirit if Jesus is the Lord.
As soon as I received that text peace flooded me. Following God isn't complicated. He wants us to do it and knows that we are lazy and undisciplined so he makes the process simple, if it's not easy. Asking a small question to determine that I was in fact following God. That today was followed with a flooding confirmation in my soul. "Yes, yes he is." I obeyed. I mean what the heck it was just groceries. It was a little harder to obey when it required exiting my bed at 3:30 in the morning, volunitarily, as in I got up without a kick in the butt.
I want to reassure you of a couple of things: if you don't get grocery lists from the Father, you are not a bad Christian (please tell me you are laughing). They're annoying sometimes and I don't know that God really cares what I buy at the store. The lesson he is after is obedience. Will I obey Him in the small things? For you it might have nothing to do with buying food. It might be the route you take to work in the morning. The outfit you are supposed to wear. Or what to make for dinner (there's the food again). And if God never speaks to you about any of these things, that is still okay. If you don't think that God is speaking to you, I understand.
I would like to gently say, in a quiet, loving voice, while my hand is on your arm:
"Please consider that you might be wrong my friend, He likely is speaking, y'all are just having trouble communicating right now."
Believe me, I get that. For 32.75 years of my life I have had extreme difficulty hearing the voice of God. I have heard it on rare occasions, like once every five years or so. But I am an infant in this developmental stage of my walk. I have NO IDEA what I'm doing. What I do know is that I'm loving doing it.
There's another reason I'm hesitant to share this with you. It's a litte more personal so I'm going to ask you to be gentle with me. Do you remember that verse, it's somewhere in one of Paul's letters I believe, that says something about - don't ever do anything in your speech or your life to detract from the Gospel. I'm not going to look it up right now for you. I know it's in there somewhere you can open your Bible and hunt for it if you'd like.
I worry that I will detract from the message of Christ. That would break my heart. If people are judging me because I have tattoos or I'm going through a divorce or because I'm dating and my divorce isn't final yet or exercising different rights I have. They may have trouble believing that God could be speaking to me. Or much much worse would be if they decided to write God off as someone they didn't want to know because they don't agree with how I'm living my life. To be fair, being judged and criticized about my parenting or lifestyle or tattoos behind my back and to my face, REALLY HURTS PEOPLE!!!! Please stop doing that.
But that is a minor tragedy that produces a broken or lost relationship. If I in anyway hinder you from getting to God and relating to him, then my heart is officially broken. Please know that I am not perfect. I make plenty of choices that you may disagree with, I sin, every day. I lose my temper, and forget how to follow God on a regular basis. But God in his infinite mercy chooses to engage with me anyway. I have some great people to follow in this precedent, all the characters of the Bible, except Jesus, were broken sinful people. I mean, hey Solomon himself had like a hundred wives. And he was the wisest man that ever lived, next to Jesus. If I could get half of the understanding he had about life and God, I'd be estactic.
Whether or not you agree with my life and how I live it is really pretty trivial. What matters is that I am pressing into God. He and I are at peace with one another. And that is sacred. I won't let you or anyone else sully that with your harsh, unkind words. If I can follow as closely God as possible and love him and my kids in the process that is what matters to me and it matters tremendously. I would love for you to join with me on this journey. I would love for you to join with God on your journey even more.
If I can pray for you to hear from God, please leave a comment below and I will actually pray for you. If the commenting doesn't work find me on Facebook and leave a comment there. I will pray for you to begin hearing from God and for you to have the courage to obey, whether it's something small and seemingly unimportant OR something of huge magnitude in your life.
I love you friend. More importantly God does too.