I get these calls, and texts from friends a lot. I can't keep up with your life. I talked to you last week and 4 major changes have happened since then. I know, I know. I shake my head and do my best to fill them in over the chaos of my littles and in between Hebrew and computer work. Then in the most helpful manner I drop out of the blogging world in an almost drastic manner, causing the rest of my acquaintances, distant family members and random blog readers to also be in the dark. Not to mention that half the time I am trying to catch those close to me up on my life, something begs my attention in the middle of a half-finished, never to be revisited conversation.
It's annoying. I get annoyed at the constant changes, the lack of worldly stability. Although I know the rock on which my life stands, it's grating to have a tornado of chaos surrounding me. Lately my soul has been crying out for some temporal peace. I know that everything here, schedules, houses, money will one day pass away, but it would be great God if there could be a little more continuity in those things for me. I need that. My littles need it. My friends would like to stop throwing up their hands in wonder at how my life will change in the next 24 hours.
In the times when I allow the chaos to overwhelm me I feel my soul shrink a bit. To shield out all the noise it goes into self-protection mode. However, I am trying to embrace a new paradigm. I'm trying to press into the chaos and realize there is a lesson for me here. The only rock I have left to stand on in life is God. I have nothing earthly I can depend on. I'm sure there are friends and family members who are here for me, but my earthly resources are zapped. My soul needs rest but my life doesn't allow for that.
Like many moms out there right now, I'm waiting for school to start for things to slow down. Although it is a normal to feel that way I don't like it. I want to squeeze in a million fun more memories before the summer ends but I'm hanging on for the ride in between setting up our new home finishing my summer class and getting everyone ready for the next phase. Let us be real folks that phase begins in 4 days people! FOUR DAYS!?!??! Are you kidding me? I have no idea how everything necessary is going to happen in those days.
But life has slowed down a little, though y'all might not see it. There is the beginning of routine, a presence of budding simplicity is starting and family dinners are returning as a normal way of life. This feeds my soul. It feeds my littles' souls as well. Makes room for us to breathe more easily.
Life will not be easy beginning four days from now. It will be busy, but it will have a rhythm. Having all of us out of the house on a daily basis ready to go somewhere and be gone for the day will be challenging. I don't relish the return of the morning rush. But here's what I love:
I love that I can walk my kids to school. And all of the benefits that will have for our health and connection, the conversations we can have (assuming the whining isn't drowning that possibility).
I love that we are all excited about what we are beginning right down to the littlest little Eowyn.
I love that we are settled in our new home. My kids love it here and we can stay here for a while. It feels like home and I love that.
I love that we are all increasing in our patience with one another, I see it in my kids and in myself.
Oh, and I love the free curtains I'm making out of my fabric stash with all the free time I do not have.
Life may not slow down. At least not in the schedule or calendar sense, but I have found solitude and I will make room in my schedule for rest, God, and lots of love. Because while chaos shrinks the soul. Finding peace within the chaos is a test of character.
Yesterday I did a full day of orientation at my new seminary. I've been taking one class this summer but now I start full time. So they do a little orientation thingy. They asked some serious questions one of which being: how do you take care of yourself? It was sad folks, I didn't have a single answer for them. My love (sorry that's all the info you get on him for now) turned to me later and said "Babe I want you to take that question seriously." He was right and I knew it was an issue so here's the game plan folks:
1) Get sleep no less than 6 hours in bed every night, I know what time the alarm needs to be set so I have to work within that structure on the nighttime end.
2) Dinner every night that I am home with my kids around a table even if it only lasts 10 minutes because they are crazy kids. Even if it's not homemade from scratch and they won't eat the green stuff.
3) Write and talk to God every day even if it's only for ten minutes, just do it.
4) Find some semblance of an ability to work out, if it's walk the kids to school and then run home, so be it, but find a way to do it.
5) Schedule time to relax every week and do nothing, ideally with all my people for not less than 4 hours.
So that's my method embracing solitude within the chaos. If I care for myself then care for my littles, my love and the world will naturally follow. Wonder women doesn't exist, neither does superman. Find your balance, solitude and peace are waiting for you.