Monday, May 5, 2014


I hesitate to say there's been breakthrough in my life because I remember the age old superstition that as soon as I say something good is happening that bad things will start to happen.  But hey bad things have been happening in abundance for a long time so we'll through caution to the win and say "there has been some breakthrough."

It appears that slowly some things are falling into place for me and my family.  There is in no way a lack of want.  There is no way all the details and logistics worked out.  But our feet are on a path and the path is slightly cleared ahead of us.  For a brief few weeks it looks like this Momma won't need a machete to clear it in front of her and her littles.  You wouldn't believe the relief that comes with knowing soon you won't be hacking your way through a jungle, with exhausted muscles and three little ones in tow.

I have been thankful.  More than thankful.  I have cried tears of sweet relief.  You know those happy ones that spring to the surface and you can't stop them, but you feel ridiculous because you're crying and your happy?  Yeah those ones.  On more than one occasion, after more than one breakthrough.

God and I are okay for the moment.  Not just okay because he's let things go my way for a while now.  But we have sort of a truce going on.  I have come to the place where I totally get that I do not understand anything he has been doing or is doing in my life or the lives of my children for pretty much the last 10 years.  I'm willing for the moment to press toward him in that lack of understanding and say let's try this relationship again.  Only with total honesty on my part because anything else is a farce.  I think he's honoring that.  We're talking again.  I think I'm beginning to hear from him again.  But some trust was broken between us and I'm not going to gloss over that with him.  A large part of my pain in relationship with God has led me to considering what exactly I believe about him.  I'm a thinker and I believe that I'll have a lot more to say on this topic in the future, because what we believe about him can often hinder our relationship with him more than anything else.

Steps are being taken.  Forward momentum is gaining.  The kids had a great weekend. And the end of this semester is in sight. To say I'm thankful for the lack of pressure on me at the moment is understatement.  I could not be more grateful.

1 comment:

  1. You've been in my thoughts and prayers off and on over the past few years and I rejoice with you that the stormy clouds are clearing and that you can see the rainbow. Love, Deb Haken


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