Thursday, September 25, 2014

Adventures in Dating (the second time around)

I have been toying with the idea for some time now to start another blog strictly tackling the wild, awkward world of dating.  We all have some crazy stories and I thought it might be funny.  So I'm doing a test run here and if y'all like it, I might go full fledged and do a whole other blog.  (disclaimer: no blog will be happening without stories from my single guy friends.  This is not a male bashing session, women do crazy shit too.)

I re-entered the dating world in my 30s, 31 to be exact and let's face it the first time around I didn't really date.  I had a series of boyfriends before I chose the absolute worst one of them all to marry (yay me!) By the time I divorced, the dating world had completely changed.  The Internet had taken over our lives and I had no idea how to approach it.  Although I knew I didn't want to be single forever, so I had to figure it out.  I did what everyone else seemed to be doing and set up a profile on a dating website.  For privacy's sake I won't disclose which one.  But I took a leap.  And I jumped right into the frying pan.  It's been a wild, crazy ride and I have learned a lot.  Here's a few nuggets for today. 

Things you learn while dating:

Gentlemen are in short supply.  As woman you will be inundated with requests for pictures of you, which is all fine and good until those requests become a little more specific and now you're uncomfortable.  Keeping in mind, that you've never met any of these people you're purely communicating via email or text message.  If you're really unlucky you'll get pictures shared with you of a more 'private' nature.  Which is (not) awesome and scarring.  I'm totally unaware of the logic behind doing this.  I guess some women respond positively, I'm not one of them.  My only advice for combating this?  Get off the website that allows picture messages to be sent and try a different one. 

Many, many, many people don't know how to hold a basic conversation.  Sure you have the same conversations over and over again (a completely exhausting part of dating).  But it's not that hard people: where do you work, what do you do for a living, what's your family like or if you're me eventually you get to questions that are thought provoking or the ones that matter like: what is the one thing you want to accomplish while you're here on this planet or what is your number one pet peeve?  If the person you're talking can't bounce a conversation back and forth then chances are their conversation skills suck more in person.  And if they have no idea what they want to do while here on the earth then I'm disinterested.  Get some drive jack and then message me.  However, if their number one pet peeve is when people are late, I know we'll get along. 

Lots and lots and lots of people don't have jobs.  I don't know what they're doing with their lives but it's not meaningful nor is it earning money.  I have absolutely no explanation for this.  Moving on. Delete delete delete. <<<<you will do a lot of that.

Bad grammar is the norm.  For example I got a message recently, I kid you not "Hey there herd you were looking for me I'm Mr. Right BTW LOL"  Do you have any idea how much restraint was required of me not to respond with one word: "Heard"  I still want to.  Can I?  Someone please tell me that's not a total bitch move and that I can do it.  Sigh. I guess not. 

There are some really awesome people out there.  I know this is supposed to be a sarcastic humorous post but there are.  I have met at least two guys who were worthy of my time via the online dating world.  Which gives me hope, which also sucks because then you will get stuff like this...

As you progress through the online dating world there is a dance (some people don't figure this out so I'll tell you).  You read each other's profiles, someone messages.  At first it's maybe a message or two a day and then you end up talking back and forth many times throughout the day.  Because you're communicating through a website that becomes cumbersome so eventually someone suggests texting.  (if you're me) You reread the content of your conversations thus far and double check their profile before saying sure and giving them your number.  At this point you've taken a step forward, most likely there will eventually be a date.  But also now, they have your number, which is private information and therefore they're harder to get rid of.  Hopefully you've weeded out all the bastards and assholes at this point.  If not it's going to suck.  Occasionally a true gem slips through that process unnoticed and things shift rather rapidly from texting about your day to blatant sexting.  Not: "Hey I think it would be awesome to kiss you" or "You're so beautiful I'd love to wrap you in my arms."  Nope, that's sweet and endearing and acceptable communication.  It's more along the lines of how do you feel about bondage or I'd like to have you helpless in my grasp.  Ummmmm WHAT THE HELL???!!!!! No, just no. 

Sometimes it truly sucks to be a woman.  That is one of those moments.  Thankfully cell phone companies let you block numbers.  It's a wonder I don't quit completely.  I have experienced love and I believe it's worth finding again.  I actually have a few friends now that I met through this experience and I enjoy having them in my life.  But it's a jungle out there.  Keep your head down and watch out!

And if you want more stories (perhaps even ones about the crazy crap women do) let me know and I'll write more.  Comment or like this post. 


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