Friday, October 17, 2014

Adventures in Dating (Part 3)

So let's talk about women in this crazy world.  Hopefully not the crazy crap I have done because we all know that I'm not one of thoooose women.

I know that most of the women I associate with are brilliant, wonderfully talented, sensitive women.  They're hilarious, they know how to laugh at life and possess a wide variety of talents.  One of the 'talents' they seem to possess that is missing the in online dating world for women is tact.

Crazy shit girls do:

Post pictures of yourself in your wedding dress on a dating website.  I'm sure you looked fantastic, but seriously????  What the Hell!  Why would you do that?  Is there some subliminal message you're trying to send here?  I did this whole wedding thing once and I'd like to do it again.  So hurry the F up and propose already?  Seriously, it's just dumb.  Don't do it.

On the other end posting on pictures of you with a group of girlfriends is less than helpful.  Do you just want the guys to guess who you are?  Because they're not going to guess you're the hottest girl in the group they're going to assume you're the least attractive.  At least all the cynical men I know would.

Pictures of you falling down drunk, or sitting on the lap of another dude sends a certain message so unless you're looking for someone with zero intentions for relationship I wouldn't recommend going this route.

Of course there's always the possibility that you are not looking for a relationship at all, in which case you could send one of my guy friends a message filled with grammatical errors that says you're looking for some adult birthday fun.  Ummm ok?  And perhaps if you're even more forward you'll send a guy a message asking to sit on his beard.

I mention this not to gross my readers out.  I apologize, I know, I want to gag too.  But rather because those women right there, those are the ones we have to thank for all the X-rated pictures we have received over the years.  For years I just assumed it was a mental defect present in some men's brains that made them do that and while we all know that defect is quite possibly there, apparently there are also women who are just as foul and stupid and offensive.

Online dating isn't for the faint of heart, I've quit and gone back more times than I can count.  I have received more than my fair share (whatever the heck that means) of messages asking just for a strictly physical connection.  Delete, delete, delete.  But it would be great if all of those involved or even a measly half of them could start acting like mature adults.  Yeah, that'd be great.  Can we work on that ladies?  Please.

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